Thursday, February 9, 2012
I have not written on here in quite some time again... And I could give all kinds of excuses... but over the last few months, I have learned a lot of hard truths. I have learned that your dearest friends may not be there when you need them to be. That innocent little children are called to Heaven in God's time, not ours. That people forget the good things during the bad times. That family some times only boils down to blood relation, but not a blood bond. That not even pastors may have a full grasp on the Word of God. That some times people are so wrapped up in their own lives, that subtle hints and non subtle declarations both can fall on deaf ears. That regrets can pile up if we are not careful. That you never really truly know someone.... not their inner most self. That in the same sense, we may not know our ownself, either. That one can rationalize just about anything if the "need" is there. But above all this, I have learned about the graciousness of God. He has called me out of the mass number of people to be one of His chosen. The Creator of all loves me no matter how much I fail, no matter how much I weigh, no matter what anyone else thinks of my decisions regarding my life or my children's lives. It is to Him that I will be held accountable. It is Him that I want to please. It is the Lord, Jesus Christ, that I live for - for His glory alone. As a people pleaser by nature, I am learning to not concern myself of pleasing the mass majority of people, but pleasing Him. I am a far cry from being where I want to be in my walk with my Savior, but I do know that I need to have - and can have - a Mary attitude in a Martha world. It is kinda ironic, but as many times as I have read that passage, the true meaning has never fully sunk into my hard head... or hardened heart. Nothing else matters more than my time with God. Eating, feeding the children, laundry, dishes, educating the children, cleaning my house, doctors appointments, NOTHING is more important than my time with Him. It is not some thing to check off my list or to hurry and get done, but rather a blessing.... a time of utter most importance and a refreshing of the spirit and soul. It is a time I need and long for... a time that gives me the heart to fully care for my children; to have energy to face the issues of the day that will surely arise. Perhaps the hardest truth I have learned in the selfishness of myself - that if given half a chance, I will try to control everything - none of which I can control; I will focus on my needs - which are so much less than so many others; I will give myself a pity party when I have no reason to; I will try to put the focus on myself, when God is the ONLY One that deserves anyone's focus; I will gripe and complain of other's inadequacies when in all honesty mine are far worse. Yes - above all I have learned that Jesus Christ must be Lord of all parts of my life, all the time, in all ways and circumstances!